BOULDER CITY, AZ—It was another busy day for Hollie Garmon as a member of a vulnerable group who could theoretically be subject to discrimination by a local business.
— Read on babylonbee.com/news/member-of-marginalized-group-searches-phone-book-for-local-business-to-be-oppressed-by/
NEW YORK, NY—Star Democratic political candidate Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez finally accepted a challenge to debate her economic plan with Count von Count, esteemed number expert from Sesame Street, on a special guest appearance that aired Friday.
— Read on babylonbee.com/news/ocasio-cortez-appears-on-sesame-street-to-debate-economic-plan-with-the-count/
U.S.—Laying their cards on the table with the midterms approaching, the nation’s Democrats have united to send a clear message: socialism is America’s only hope of ending the current nightmare of economic prosperity.
— Read on babylonbee.com/news/dems-socialism-is-the-only-way-to-end-this-nightmare-of-prosperity/
Ginsburg: ‘I Am Mentally Fit Enough To Serve Through The End Of President Eisenhower’s Term’
— Read on babylonbee.com/news/ginsburg-i-am-mentally-fit-enough-to-serve-through-the-end-of-president-eisenhowers-term/
Strapped for cash and down on his luck, Santa Barbara high school chemistry teacher, Winston Silver found himself in a desperate situation. He was looking for any opportunity to use his teaching or chemistry skills to bring his family some much-needed additional income. When the city of Santa Barbara passed a ban on plastic straws, Silver noticed that plastic straws were now being sold on the black market at an incredibly high cost but inferior quality.
— Read on babylonbee.com/news/struggling-chemistry-teacher-takes-to-life-of-crime-manufacturing-plastic-straws-to-sell-on-streets-of-santa-barbara/
PACIFIC OCEAN—According to a spokesperson for the Discovery Channel, this year’s Shark Week special programming will emphasize social justice issues facing the shark population, including a roundtable forum of notable sharks discussing Great White Privilege.
— Read on babylonbee.com/news/shark-week-features-roundtable-discussion-about-great-white-privilege/
WASHINGTON, D.C.—House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi has confirmed to her constituents and the nation at large that she will now be holding a weekly press conference announcing the latest reason she believes that “millions will die.”
— Read on babylonbee.com/news/nancy-pelosi-to-hold-weekly-press-conference-announcing-next-reason-millions-will-die/