Struggling Chemistry Teacher Takes To Life Of Crime Manufacturing Plastic Straws To Sell On Streets Of Santa Barbara

Strapped for cash and down on his luck, Santa Barbara high school chemistry teacher, Winston Silver found himself in a desperate situation. He was looking for any opportunity to use his teaching or chemistry skills to bring his family some much-needed additional income. When the city of Santa Barbara passed a ban on plastic straws, Silver noticed that plastic straws were now being sold on the black market at an incredibly high cost but inferior quality.
— Read on babylonbee.com/news/struggling-chemistry-teacher-takes-to-life-of-crime-manufacturing-plastic-straws-to-sell-on-streets-of-santa-barbara/

RELIGIOUS EXTREMISM: Kavanaugh Caught Serving Food To Homeless

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In an alarming show of religious extremism and complete disregard for the separation of church and state, Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh was spotted by news reporters serving food to the homeless.

Kavanaugh performed the frightening display of religious devotion alongside an organized group of radicalized Catholics, whose extremist mission appears to be helping the needy. Local news crews leaped out of the bushes and caught him in the act, asking him, “What do you have to say for yourself, BIGOT?”
— Read on babylonbee.com/news/religious-extremism-kavanaugh-caught-serving-food-to-homeless/

Huffington Post Criticizes Thai Navy SEALs For Displaying ‘Toxic Masculinity’ During Daring Cave Rescue

U.S.—As the world came together to celebrate the rescue of 12 boys and their coach trapped in a cave in Thailand for over two weeks, the Huffington Post took the opportunity to call out the Thai Navy SEALs who performed the dangerous extraction mission for their “toxic masculinity.”
— Read on babylonbee.com/news/huffington-post-criticizes-thai-navy-seals-for-displaying-toxic-masculinity-during-daring-cave-rescue/

Mexican Restaurant Under Fire For Racially Profiling White Girl, Offering Her Mild Hot Sauce

KLAMATH FALLS, OR—Del Pollo Gordo, a Mexican restaurant chain in the Pacific Northwest, has come under fire after a recent customer claimed she was racially profiled. Local woman Andrea Merz got on Facebook Live after ordering at the restaurant, where she claimed that the employee who took her order “just assumed” she would want “mild hot sauce” because she was a “white girl.”

“OMG. I just experienced some straight-up racism you guys. This is not OK. I just ordered a bean burrito at Del Pollo Gordo and the guy at the counter goes, ‘Hot sauce? Let me guess: mild?’ Are you kidding me right now? What year is this, man? Are we still talking to people like this? Mild hot sauce just because I’m a white girl?!” Merz shouted into her camera while sitting in her parked Volvo.
— Read on babylonbee.com/news/mexican-restaurant-under-fire-for-racially-profiling-white-girl-offering-her-mild-hot-sauce/